girl and the sea

so, this last weekend i've been doing a lot of soul searching, for lack of a better term...and a lot of praying.  i don't even know where to begin the time line or time frame for where my mind and heart have been, for where my struggle began, and where i started to feel adrift.  perhaps it's because it has always been a part of me and will continue to always be a part of me.  this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time, where i hang my head in humility and exhaustion and say, 'my God, I am so sorry for kidding myself into thinking i was doing just fine.  i thought i was trusting you, yet i've been grasping at anything and everything except you hoping to find whatever it is i'm looking for.'  and then...i just let it all go.  surrender is a terrifying thing.  surrender to the One who knows the number of hairs on my head (matt 10:30) and has plans to give me a future and a hope (jer. 29:11) is a pretty wonderful thing.

as i'm processing all of this i thought of the story of Jesus walking on the water:

24 but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”  -Matthew 14:24-33 (ESV)

raise your hand if you've heard this story a million and one times? *raises hand* yeah.  me too. 

so, as i'm thinking about this story in the bible, i think, 'you know...isn't that just kind of how my life has been?'  I'm far from the safety of dry land - I've made some pretty big steps and risks in my life the last year.  I'm in the midst of a storm - lots of stuff is going on around me, the safety and security of what i once knew to be the norm in my life is far behind me.  the boat i've been in, though it was being tossed in the storm, was the only place of safety i had.  I start freaking out and God says 'I'm here.  don't be afraid.'  and now that my fears have been calmed, it's time to step out of the boat.  

it sounds real nice and exciting (and i am excited!!), but i know i have a long way to go.  the uncertainty and unknown are still whipping around me.  notice that peter stepped out of the boat while it was still storming and the wind was still blowing.  it wasn't until peter and Jesus got back in the boat that the winds ceased.

interesting times are ahead of me, but i am so very thankful that my future does not lie in my hands alone.  especially since, as i am often reminded by others, i have such small hands.

somebody's watching me

first there was rain.  then there was sleet.  then dropping temperatures caused the sleet to leave a nice thick sheet of ice over all of DFW.  Then i was stuck at home for a couple of days....followed by 6 inches of snow...followed by more time confined to my home.

so, i did what the rest of us did.  i kept my camera handy and took pictures of whatever inspired me (especially snow at 1 o'clock in the morning).  i documented how i passed my time on facebook and via text messaging with my peeps.

After my confinement i escaped to the mall and took photos of my best friend's 19 mo. old daughter riding the carousel.   (awwww)

while reviewing the series of photos after our fun i discovered some photos from the day before that i obviously was unable to take (as i am the subject in the photos)

i knew i was taking a risk being seen outside the house in my pjs and rain boots to check the mail...i did not however expect there to be photo documentation of this wardrobe catastrophe. stacy and clinton would cringe if they ever saw this!  and this is why i the majority of the time i make myself presentable when going out of doors.

keepin' it real.

no particular place to go

i'm dog sitting out in the middle of nowhere.  this means no running up to the starbucks a mile from my house for a weekend fix or catching up with friends,  no spontaneous lunch plans, and very little interaction with humans.  this does however mean a trip to the local walmart for groceries...in sherman...15 miles away.  and that means very interesting people watching.  i think i giggled for about 30 minutes straight (which was the amount of time i was there).  it's saturday, so there were LOTS of people doing their weekend shopping.  there were lots of, shall we say mature, people there.  and more motorize shopping carts than i think i've ever seen used at one time.  then there were the 2...um...old ladies (what?  they had very white hair!) who seemed to be watching the potatoes.  they were blocking the spinach, and i was trying to patiently wait my turn, but i couldn't figure out why they were just standing there.  i followed their gazes, but they just seemed to be staring at the bags of potatoes. 

let's not forget to mention the speed of operation in this walmart.  in dallas we are known for our *ahem* aggressive driving...i think that goes for shopping as well.  when it comes to shopping for me, i have been known to do my fair share of meandering, but i had a list this time and knew what i was there for.  this wasn't retail therapy time.  oh but the sherman walmart had other plans for me.  i kind of felt like i was in a slow motion movie, but i was moving at regular speed. i often think in film and soundtrack mode i watch a lot of movies and was an rtvf major.

the icing on the cake was the woman i saw in the check-out line with too much make-up (including a disturbingly dark shade of lip liner with a light colored lipstick) wearing about 2 gold anklets on each ankle, and 2 gold toe rings on one of her feet.  i cannot confirm nor deny the presence of toe rings on her other foot.

good times.  now i'm off to make my first ever attempt at crepes.  cue french cafe music!

this is bruce (or 'brucie' as we often call him).  he likes toys.

my weekend entertainment.

birthday

'you say it's your birthday...na na na na...it's my birthday, too yeah...na na na na'

i'm turning 30 in nine days.

*gasp*

i'm ok.

since it's such a landmark bday, this year i wanted to create memories unlike ever before, i wanted to look better than ever (30x30 fail), and i wanted to have fun and laugh lots!  i ran the gamut of things to do and people to celebrate with.  i finally landed on some plans, got my party dress and recently added my party shoes.

if i'm gonna cross the threshold into 30, i'm gonna have some shoes that say 'HELLO THIRTY'!  (please don't laugh or judge if i fall, trip, limp or end up sitting a lot on my birthday, but i couldn't resist wearing some rockin' shoes!)

don't let me down

epic fail. 

it's not even noon and i've accomplished that much.  to keep it short and simple, this week (and perhaps longer) have not been ideal in my world.  so, i did what any neurotic girl would do.  i started cooking.  when life is out of control...cook.  i've long enjoyed the art of cooking.  it's a practical talent...life-giving, if you will.  it can be fun. and perhaps what i like best about it is i can make it pretty!  yep, i like pretty food.  cooking is one of those things that can tantalize all your senses...taste, touch, sight, smell, and if it's fajitas (or anything fried)...hearing! 

this rainy, dreary morning i decided to attempt a recipe i'd been wanting to try.  the recipe was called 'blintz' pancakes...kind of a healthy take on blintzes and different take on pancakes combined.  i followed the recipe very conscientiously (anyone who knows me knows that's the gospel truth), yet somewhere in my reading the recipe and putting it into action my blintz pancakes failed.  miserably. 

so, instead of crying and having an emotional breakdown in the kitchen like julie (in the scene from the movie julie and julia), i salvaged what seemed edible (not pictured above) and cut up some strawberries, poured on some maple syrup and proceeded to eat my breakfast.  then i gathered what wits i had left, took a picture for your viewing pleasure and cleaned up the evidence of my catastrophe.

despite my failure, i did manage to make a pretty good cup of french press coffee.  it's the little things.

these boots were made for walking

it's the middle of august.  the thermometer is reading 109, but it feels like it is 150.  it is about this time of year that i start longing for cool days for boots, scarves and pumpkin spice lattes.  or pumpkin cookies.  or pumpkin pie. or pumpkin bread.  (are we seeing a pattern here?)

my sister was in need of black flats today.  i was in need of nothing.  i was in major want of a pair of boots i'd been eyeing online.  so my sister dragged me by my ears into my favorite dsw location and forced me to zone in on boots that where nearly identical to the ones i'd been obsessing over (the only difference was some detailing on the side).  *sigh*  it was meant to be.  it was the siren song of shoes.  the world around me faded to black as i kicked off my summer wedges, found the awful, weird disposable socky things (within hands reach of the boots.  another sign, of course) and zipped up the lovely leather boots with nary a struggle (i have shapely calves, if you will, so this was another sign it was meant to be.  also, apparently one calf is bigger than the other and i might have cut off some circulation to my left calf, but by golly i got that zipper all the way up!  and thankfully leather stretches.)

i pulled the box and lid together with all the ridiculous amounts of tissue paper, picked up my other shoes, and hauled across the store to show off the boots to my sister. 

now, these boots aren't anything fancy.  they just seem like great everyday boots.  and i like boots.  so, get used to seeing these guys often.  (i just had a flash of sandra bullock's character in 'all about steve' and her red patent leather boots, but these really do go with everything!)

under the sea

as i approach 30 i've been trying to 'put away my childish ways' and get over some of my self-imposed fears and try some new things.  a couple weeks ago one of my bffs and i decided that we should try to add fish to our diets.  neither one of us eat anything that swims (crustacean or otherwise), but we recognize that there are health (and social) benefits to adding fish to our menus.  so, we found a fish recipe that seemed harmless enough...and of course documented the evening thanks to her iphone.

at the grocery store...we chose tilapia as it was recommended for being the mildest tasting fish (also it was what our recipe called for...how convenient!)

iris waiting for our fish to be packaged.

 

 

preparing the fish

the assembly line: fish, flour, egg, cornflakes (and recipe book, of course!)

cute plates with fish on them.  helps make the adventure more fun.

ahh...the finished product.  baked fish, mixed veggies and rice.  and assorted dipping sauces to suit my palate.

the first bite.  it's just meat, it's just meat, it's just meat...

iris' turn.  no fear!

the reward for our efforts: chocolate peanut butter espresso freeze from cafe brazil.  yummy! 

 we accomplished what we set out to do with surprising results.  we liked it (hey...mikey likes it!)